Jokes / 笑话

9) Husband and Liquor

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English: Counterfeits of Chartreuse liquors, e...

Wife to drunk husband: From now on, if your lips touch liquor, you will never touch mine. What are you thinking?
Husband: Deciding: 18 year old scotch or 36 year old lips….

8) Boss comes 1st

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English: Genie lamp, oil lamp, Aladdin's lamp,...

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’
‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk..
‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat,
without a care in the world.’ Poof! She’s gone.
‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep.
‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse,
an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.’ Poof! He’s gone.
‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

7) 2 choices

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Candle light dinner
Candle light dinner (Photo credit: ComùnicaTI)
Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes or no.

6) I am dying

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77 of 365/2- I dyed my hair... as usual
77 of 365/2- I dyed my hair… as usual (Photo credit: Pahz)
Husband sms wife:”Hi, what r u doing Darling?”
Wife: I’m dying!
Husband: jumps with joy but types “Sweet Heart,
How can I live without U?”
Wife: “U idiot! I’m dying my hair..”
Husband: “Bloody English Language!

5) Difference between Mother & Wife

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What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?
Ans – One Woman Brings you into this world crying…
& the other ensures you Continue to do so.

4) Problem and Picture

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No problems
No problems (Photo credit: Gamma Man)

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

3) What kind of shooter you are ?

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Category:Wikipedia requested photographs of ph...
Category:Wikipedia requested photographs of photography (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

gun !!!  w2
gun !!! w2 (Photo credit: tim geers)

A LION suddenly bounced on husband.
WIFE: Shoot him! Shoot him!
Husband: Yes, Yes. I’m changing the battery of my camera..

2) Throwing knives on wife’s picture

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darting
darting (Photo credit: farlane)

Husband was throwing knives on wife’s picture.
All were missing the target!
Suddenly he received call from her “Hi, what r u doing?”
His honest reply, “MISSING U”

Wife was very happy!

1) 坐山靠海

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一对夫妇想搬家, 丈夫希望新屋子面海,但妻子要面向森林. 他们没达成共识,结果去找中介.中介左找右找居然被他找到!

结果是坐落市中心的 ‘海山街’.