Jokes / 笑话

12) Whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?

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Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? (Ireland)

Millionaire: “I owe everything to my wife.”
Interviewer: “Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: “What were you before you married her?”
Millionaire: “A Billionaire”

10) No More Male Pallbearers

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Grave yard in Newbury

An elderly woman died last month.
Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers.
In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service,
she wrote, ‘They wouldn’t take me out while I was alive,
I don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.’

9) Husband and Liquor

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English: Counterfeits of Chartreuse liquors, e...

Wife to drunk husband: From now on, if your lips touch liquor, you will never touch mine. What are you thinking?
Husband: Deciding: 18 year old scotch or 36 year old lips….

8) Boss comes 1st

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English: Genie lamp, oil lamp, Aladdin's lamp,...

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’
‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk..
‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat,
without a care in the world.’ Poof! She’s gone.
‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep.
‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse,
an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.’ Poof! He’s gone.
‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

7) 2 choices

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Candle light dinner
Candle light dinner (Photo credit: ComùnicaTI)
Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes or no.

6) I am dying

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77 of 365/2- I dyed my hair... as usual
77 of 365/2- I dyed my hair… as usual (Photo credit: Pahz)
Husband sms wife:”Hi, what r u doing Darling?”
Wife: I’m dying!
Husband: jumps with joy but types “Sweet Heart,
How can I live without U?”
Wife: “U idiot! I’m dying my hair..”
Husband: “Bloody English Language!